It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
