you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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