I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
