so that wasnt chicken after all
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
