You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
