I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
P.S. I can't hear my feet
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
