Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
