This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
