you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
