I think my vagina is haunted
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
