operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
