I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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