I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
