last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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