I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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