dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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