Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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