just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
