sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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