he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize