can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
