Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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