I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
