it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
