I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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