I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
