so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
