took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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