i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I stole a fireplace last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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