k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
