I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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