Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
