I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
