Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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