He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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