Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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