god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
