i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
