I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
