just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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