i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
