Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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