The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I use my feet as sexual weapons
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
