Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize