I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
