remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
