This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
