That's intense
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Im part way to drunk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
