i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
