omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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