As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
