So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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