i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
