Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
