It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Pooping to opera.
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