OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
