summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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