My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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