All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
that's an acceptable place to lick
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
