i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
