I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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