Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
