haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
