It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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